||[Apr. 8th, 2005|11:00 pm]
ok i didnt name my journal natasha... but im pretty sure her and james are the only 2 ppl who read this... and i also kno that natasha enjoys reading it so this is to her. ok well natasha im bored... so i write here... about my sad pathetic life. today i went to school... it was like... well.. umm.. school, yea.. almost everydays the same, oh well.. we still seem to find a little bit of fun everyday.
today we wrote on my boobies and you, natasha, exposed your breasteses to sumone u shouldnt have... oh well it made me giggle a lot. natasha, i just thought u should kno that i cleaned of my breasteses... well everything except the lovely flower you drew... i liked it a lot.. hehe yea well today my sister saw her friends mom, who just so happens to be our lovely italian teacher, she said that i was smart... that makes me laugh, she also said sumthing about me and james, and suprisingly it wasnt sumthing bad. woo hoo... i didnt have to work today, which makes me very happy, because i dont like smelly babies that drool all over me and make me smell weird. so instead james came to my house for like not too long... we were going to talk, but then my dad decided to talk to us, which i found to be quite annoying but oh well, lifes a poop and then u die. oh well then james left and i went to stew leonards with my dad... i got lovely icecream in a cup with sprinkles, it was truly magikal, actually it kinda made me feel a little sick.. oh well...
ok well this week kind of sucked... i was being a sad poop and i felt like breaking something.. i kno that sounds weird.. but idk how else to describe it.. its like i kept clenching my fist and trying to squueze as hard as i possibly could until i felt better... but that didnt work so i continued to do it, but it never did nething for me but i did til i felt i couldnt do it nemore anyway. yea... remember when i broke the pencil in science... thats why i did that... it gave me some form of relief.. idk it was better then continuously clenching my fist. yea and the rest of the week i either felt like i was going to pass out or throw up. i dont like feeling like this its poop and it makes my heart hurt.. you kno what else i dont like.. every time i stand up i feel extremely dizzy and i cant see nething for about 10 seconds.. oh well ive been feeling weird lately and i want it to go away.. but im not good at making things go away.. bc my lovely mind doesnt like me to be happy.. it likes to give me disturbing thoughts and what not. i think i make myself sick to my stomach when i think.. bc ive gone to sleep with like pains in my stomach... im completely fine b4 i lay down but when i do laydown i think and cry and cant make it go away and then my stomach hurtsand i feel like im going to throw up and all that wonderful stuff.. thats why i look so dead in the morning, its like i dont sleep instead i lay there and cry and feel sick, which is emotionally draining and causes me to look dead and make me feel unlively. oh well... im not going to do that anymore... i hate it and its annoying... im going to find a way to block out my thoughts... i dont kno how but im going to do it.. woo hoo for me.. oh well.. im done... i think.. i dont kno.. if i remember sumthing else to add.. i guess ill add it later...